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After senseless Murder of Goliath, Philistines call for Ban on fully automatic, high-capacity Slings





VALLEY OF ELAH — After local homegrown terrorist #David slew #Goliath with a fully automatic, high-capacity sling, Philistine activists began calling for common-sense bans on the dangerous weapons of mass destruction.

"Nobody needs a sling that holds five rocks just to go hunting or protect their sheep," said one Philistine woman with pink hair and several face piercings. "This tragedy could have been avoided if only David were forced to use one of the old bolt-action model slings."

Investigators believe the shepherd boy, radicalized by religious texts, built u... Show more...
 

#PresidentTrump congratulates America on MLK Day


#rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #trolling #MLK #MartinLutherKingDay #DonaldTrump
 

#PresidentTrump: MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN!

He posted the same Tweet in Farsi/Persian

#NotTheOnion #cool #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao
 

#PresidentTrump mocks Iran's Supreme Leader xD


#NotTheOnion #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #funny #iran #ayatollah #khomenei
 

#PresidentTrump enjoys the Democrats' show xD


#NotTheOnion #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #funny #BernieSanders #Bernie #Sanders #Democrats #Establishment #DWS #ElizabethWarren #JoeBiden #Biden
 

#Impeachment: Do Republicans have more Fun?

Column by #AnnCoulter




Impeachments aren’t what they used to be. Today, young people are supposed to be excited that the president withheld taxpayer money from Ukraine –- a half-billion-dollar foreign aid package that ticks off most Americans under any circumstances, going to a country notable for not being our country, and for a purpose other than the wall.

Now, #BillClinton –-... Show more...
 

#DemDebate: Elizabeth Warren going down in Flames xD

#Pocahontas speaks with a forked tongue!

#NotTheOnion #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #funny #ElizabethWarren #BernieSanders #CNNisGarbage #RefundWarren
 

Michael Avenatti arrested again xD

Federal prosecutors say attorney Michael Avenatti was arrested for violating conditions of his bail by committing multiple state and federal crimes while awaiting trial.




LOS ANGELES -- #MichaelAvenatti, the brash former #attorney for the #porn actress #StormyDaniels, was #arrested for allegedly violating #bail by committing numerous financial #crimes to conceal assets from creditors while living a lavish lifestyle, U.S. prosecutors alleged in a #court document released Wednesday.

#Avenatti was arrested by #IRS agents at a state bar court hearing on Tuesday, where he was facing #suspension of his #license to practice for allegedly #stealing from a client, said Thom Mrozek, spokesman for the #LosAngeles #US Attorney’s office…

#rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #CPL #CreepyPornLawyer
 

#PresidentTrump retweets CNN host Van Jones


#rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao
 

#PresidentTrump retweeted Michael Knowles


#rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao
 

As Part Of Settlement With Nick Sandmann, CNN Hosts Must Wear MAGA Hats During All Broadcasts


#BabylonBee #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #parody #satire #funny
 

Democrats Call For Flags To Be Flown At Half-Mast To Grieve Death Of Soleimani





WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference held on Capitol Hill Friday, mourning Democrat leaders called for flags to be flown half-mast to honor the death of Qasem Soleimani.

Flags were spotted flying at half-mast around the country, notably at The Washington Post, The New York Times, and in front of several celebrities' homes. The celebrities went out and bought an American flag for the first time just to fly it at half-mast for this important time of grief.

"The grieving process is painful but necessary," said Rep. Ilhan Omar. "As a nation, we need to stop and grieve this great, austere, revered religious scholar. He was one of the good ones."

In a rare moment of unity with The Squad, Pelo... Show more...
 

New Prius Includes Built-In Virtue Signals





KANEGASAKI—An exciting new model of Toyota’s popular Prius hybrid vehicle will eliminate all turn signals and replace them with a large virtue signal, the automaker announced Friday.

The car will feature a lighted signal spanning the rear of the trunk, which will flash several messages when activated. The base model simply says "BETTER THAN THOSE PEOPLE," while custom options include messages like “Doing My Part,” “Environment First,” and “If Only You Cared About The Earth As Much As I Do.”

“We understand what matters to our drivers,” a Toyota spokesperson told reporters. “More than letting other drivers on the road know which direction they are turning, our drivers desperately want to let people know t... Show more...
 

New Feminist Tickle Me Elmo just says: 'That Was Not Consensual'





U.S.—In 1996, the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll was released, quickly selling out and becoming the toy sensation of the year. The giggling plush’s popularity led to riots, international counterfeit toy rings, and five civil wars in Eastern Europe. This year, the hottest stuffed toy of the ’90s is back, with some slight changes: The familiar ear-piercing laugh, originally followed by Elmo's voice exclaiming “That tickles!” has been replaced with several more enlightened responses.

“We wanted an Elmo who was a little more woke to today’s social norms,” explains Sandra Lancaster, Chief of Toy Development at IntersectionaliToys, “an Elmo for the 21st century. In the past, he might h... Show more...
 

Tragic: Footage Of Epstein Suicide Found Hanging In Cell





NEW YORK—In a tragic occurrence, the footage of Epstein's suicide attempt was found hanging in its cell Friday in an apparent suicide.

The footage reportedly strung itself up with a strip of cloth, hanged itself from the ceiling, and then shot itself three times in the back of the cassette. Shocked security guards found the footage strung up, saying they would have kept an eye on it but were distracted by large bags of cash handed to them by a mysterious cloaked man.

"You hate to see this kind of thing, but sometimes, footage just doesn't have the will to live any longer," said Metropolitan Correctional Center Chief of Security Paul Bugs, after pulling up in his new Bentley. "That's the way life goes."

Footage of the footage hang... Show more...
 

Democrats bully Representative Smith back into line xD


#NotTheOnion #rofl #humor #fun #lol #lmao #bully #bullying #NancyPelosi #AdamSmith
 
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